I have a feeling this is a very normal parenting trait, but something I am noticing that I am doing more and more.
When Ben has done something brilliant, or the fact his speech and language is so good I pass this off as something that either others have taught him, or that he has just picked up. I don’t think I have taken credit for anything, well except when he has a tantrum…
And there is the thing, as soon as he behaves badly, or does something I would prefer him not to (how politely I have put that!) I blame myself, it is me not being consistent, or giving in too easily, or not setting boundaries.
Like all parents I have good times and not so great ones with being a parent, and as his sole parent I do feel an enormous pressure that I will break with my failings. The days where I am so tired from work, from life, from being up at 6 a.m. every day (or 5 a.m. if I am lucky) and I break my own rules of being a parent, I say no and then, well O.K. to another biscuit. I beat myself up at the fact that I do sometimes shout at him, I know it is pointless and achieves nothing.
See I could sit here all day typing my failings as a parent, stuff I do wrong. But ask me what I am good at? Erm…
I am not even being modest, the stuff I am not bad/wrong at is more luck than judgement I think.
Or maybe it is just fear, fear of saying stuff I think I am doing well, only for Ben to do something and prove me wrong!
And then we can more swiftly past the nature/nurture stuff.
Phew this parenting stuff is hard sometimes when I think about it…someone pass one of the last creme eggs there please?