So it was this time last year where I had decided I would join a gym and do some exercise and then that would mean I could carry on eating anything I wanted. Yes.

Hahahahahahah.

That possibly proves to me just how much I have learnt in a year about how the body works, how I was so naive and uninformed.

Fast forward 12 months and I am now 3 stone lighter with a body that is capable of doing some crazy stuff and with muscles built in order to do that crazy stuff.  So is that me done? Again…

Hahahahahahah.

Yes because this is the other major new thing, there is no end of all this, it is just life, eating better, getting stronger physically and mentally and being more able in life generally as I am fitter.

And what a journey it has been, from the first terrifying time I walked into a gym, the desperate iMessages with a friend of her telling me it would be ok and take a breath and go.  From the obsessive calorie counting on myfitnesspal to the obsessive paleo (yeah notice a theme there?) I have learnt so much, not only about the food, health & fitness world, but about me.

Fitness wise I am now doing Crossfit twice a week, it still scares me, the drive there is always accompanied with a side order of ‘wtf are we doing tonight *puke*’ and more often than not the drive home has a desert of ‘I can’t believe I did that (and didn’t die)’

This week I have decided to face my hatred/crapness of running, I have been to my old gym 3 times and ran a mile, it is hard, I hate it and I look like I have been in a shower when I am done. But I>AM>DOING>IT.

Face the fears…

And chase the endorphins…

The food side isn’t so clear cut for me, I have been in search of it this last year, experimenting with calorie counting and paleo and now I am trying to find what I will do, well forever. And that is where aims and abs come into it.  In order to be motivated you need /it helps to have goals.  And eating wise for most these are divided into a few things. weight loss & maintenance / overall health / performance.

For me I have got to a point weight wise where it is ok, the number the scale says is good, but it has taken me a few months to appreciate what is in the mirror. and no I don’t love it but that is more to do with the totally warped images I see of what ‘health’ looks like.  Yeah sure I would love some taut abs, but do I want them enough to eat like I want them 24/7.  Nah I don’t think so. But I do want to eat well to perform better at Crossfit.  So for me with food I have hit the point of the magical world of BALANCE.

So my aim is to eat clean Mon-Fri, but not a ridiculous binge at the weekend, but things like roast white potatoes will happen, and yeah the odd mars ice cream will join them, not together obviously. I know I work best in (obsessive) rules. So I think this is what will be happening for me.

This week at Crossfit I hit to goals, I did box jumps as part of a workout and we were practising doing snatches. Last time we did this a few months ago I HATED it. I couldn’t get under the bar, it terrified me. But now with a combination of being stronger and BELIEVING I did it.

And well yeah I have also just entered my first novice strong women competition in October this year.  It is terrifying me, but it’s just lifting and moving heavy shit, isn’t it. And as I keep facing all these fears and well to be fair crushing them, it means there are less left to eat away at me.

Video below was this week – me in green shorts and white top.

 

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